Since I have been writing more regularly and more freely about my life, its great to provide you with the details of something special.
During a causal conversation before bed, B and I were talking about how happy I was to be there for B and whether or not B was happy with me being in Denver for the birthday. I said something rather stupid, which I can’t remember clearly, however what I do remember, was a casual conversation about how sleeping on the same bed causes sleep problems for both of us. B likes to cuddle before bed but not so much to the effect after falling asleep. I like to cuddle before and after falling asleep and while sleeping. So during our initial days of dating we had issues regarding this. It was a good fodder to tease B for a very good time and sometimes in present, it still is. Even when I was around B’s parents at their house, I told B’s mother about B’s of “unintentional” habit of pushing away someone in the bed to get. It was kinda of funny and at the same time like I was complaining against a bully to the parents lol.
The moment it happened
Before we went to bed, B and I went through the daily ritual of shower and talking till we fall asleep. That night was no different in that respect. We talked about various things, my flight and more, until B said something that I do remember.
“Its not like that. And you know. ” B said. “Well it looks like that. At first it was adorable that you would push someone away and then would like to play hard to get. When I realized it is no longer “teasy”, it did feel bad for the first few times and I then realized it is in your nature and I will probably learn to bridge the gap between my expectations and your nature and vice versa.” I concurred.
“But I can’t help it. I need space. I can’t sleep all curled up” B said in an effort to explain more to me.
“All I want is to snuggle with you, to hold your hand and to touch you, when you and I are sleeping. I hope you know its nothing physical, its nice to be all cuddly and snuggly” I shot back.
“That’s sweet. I know P” B said smiling at me. ” B added “I know , but you are cuddle with me all you want before we go to bed”.
I sighed and left us to it. We continued to share about our day today and then B said something which I can’t forget and I probably won’t forget the rest of my life.
B said ” P don’t hate me for that! I can’t help it. I need my space in bed”
I said “I don’t hate you B. Not at all. I infact, like you a lot! More than I can express in words. I love you like I have not loved any human before! ”
And just like that, with that one liner, I said it. I said what I have been thinking for last three months in my head. I have been hiding my feelings behind phrases like “I like you” or my favorite “I like you a lot” etc. But now it was in open. It was all OUT! I loved B.
Not that I didn’t wanted to tell B that I did love B however almost three months ago, I said to myself I will not say it first. I don’t have a rationale as to why I came to that decision but I did. I know B liked me more just just “liking” me since the first month of our dating, itself. At that time, I was going through a little rough phase of my life, and I was talking to B about it. B said “I think I am falling for you” at the end of the discussion and suddenly I interjected. How stupid of me. 🙂 but B knows it. I can see it B’s eyes those feelings for me.
I wanted to share this special moment with you all. I will celebrate it everymonth with B, without being so explicit about it. Every 4th of each month I will buy B a gift that says in some way or another “I love you”!
Doubleswooned ! Are you? Ha Ha
Wait till the time you read about B’s birthday night, more drunk fun and strangers hitting ! Everything and more coming in the upcoming posts! Stay tuned ! !