First (Not So Much) Happy Anniversary !

If you have ever been in a relationship where you actually like someone, I am sure you know what disappointment in relationships means and I hear you, when you say it sucks!

Last year on June 29, I met “Happiness” for the first time for a date at Panera‘s at Hoboken‘s famous Washington Ave and what did we know at that time, we would still be together, more closer than ever, a whole year after. It has been great for the most part being with “Happiness” all this time. Here’s how!

We started out like any other normal couple who was (and is) dating! More hangout, more going out, more fun, more texting, more phone calls, more running to home to see the “Happiness”, more kissing and more touching. In between of all this, I moved closer to “Happiness” because my lease at my Paramus, NJ house went up and I was looking for a place. At that time, it took me 40 minutes door to door to see “Happiness” and with more and more sleep overs, it was becoming difficult. Very difficult some days!

Eventually, “Happiness’s” Father came to see “Happiness” from Denver, CO on a pre-planned trip. I met the first family member of “Happiness”. It was great meeting someone from the family. We hung out for three days together with more breakfast’s and more dinners and more “family” time. And we continued to hangout more and more, where I started to sleep over almost 3 times a week. It was all great but I missed seeing “Happiness” for the majority of the events. Guess why? “Happiness” had pre-planned trips that were planned before meeting me. So I couldn’t express how I truly felt but I let people know I didn’t like the idea of flying away so much. I missed the Labor day weekend, Thanksgiving dinner, the Christmas! That’s sums it up!

I have to give credit to “Happiness” for one day, that “Happiness” made time for me and that was December 31st night i.e. New Years eve! That was one night in the entire first six months where we spent some event, some day, some special time together. We slept in till late watching the show and it was great! I have no complaints and it balanced the entire past year whenever I felt down without “Happiness” on the major days.

Then came the Valentines’ day, and I had to work but we still went out and had a good time. And then my birthday came. It was on a Sunday (my luck) and “Happiness” works on the Sunday and I volunteer usually. I came home to hangout but we didn’t go out anywhere. I never had someone who wanted to celebrate the birthday with me, except one of my past girlfriends and my best friends. This year was nothing new. Hell we didn’t even get the regular pizza to be delivered at our place for the night. No nothing. Yeah to be fair, “Happiness” got me two tees and a deodorant from Hollister ! I am thankful for those. I truly am but I expected a little more ! Sorry I guess for expecting to be treated nicely by someone who I sleep with three times a week and I have been dating for 9 months at that time.

I sucked it up and tried to forget it while hanging out with “Happiness” every day! It was starting to disappear. But something or the other would happen that would make the wounds of my misplaced expectations fresh again.

Only in a month time after my birthday, it was “Happiness’s” birthday for which “Happiness” was going to be away in Denver with the “family”. I didn’t mind because I understand where this was coming from. And I respect “Happiness” for that! I truly do.

I planned ahead with “Happiness’s” father and family to come and visit, give “Happiness” a surprise and meet all of the family, even when I didn’t know anyone and I was shit scared of meeting all of the family but I still did. With just starting my job after being jobless for two months, I had very little change to spend. But I flew to Denver, bought the family dinner and bought “Happiness” drinks (I can’t remember how many times) on the big day! Hell I came back to a parking ticket for 54 bucks on my car when I was gone and I never told anyone about that.

I even prepared and planned a little surprise for “Happiness” in the apartment on the day when “Happiness” was scheduled to fly in. I feel happy because I have been honest. I feel happy because I am making the other person happy who is someone I love. I have been everything that a good boyfriend should do, I have provided a good nurturing environment for the relationships.

I do. I do. I do and I feel bad when even my smallest expectations aren’t met. Call me expectation whore or whatever but I am only human. ( Gawd knows how much I try not to be one JK ) I have expectations and every time they are not met, I am disappointed. And guess what slowly and slowly it is taking a toll on me. I am happy to be with “Happiness” I truly am. But I wish for once something was done for me (except of pizza slices, Chinese food, and dollar store candies) that was meant to make me feel special in the relationship.

“Happiness” if you are reading this! Trust me when I say I love you, I do. I very much do. I just feel bad when you don’t feel it’s your responsibility to take care of our relationship.

Here is the kicker, today is our first year anniversary of meeting and that’s when we started to date! It’s a good amount of deal if not BFD. Since after Thursday, Sunday is the only evening I can spend time with “Happiness” because of the work schedule. I planned a good dinner at an upscale Italian restaurant in Fort Lee, NJ and then I planned to work from home on Monday so that we can get up late and get a good breakfast from Ihop and chill together and spend the time together! We have tensions and problems on the sexual fronts and I guess we never want to talk about them, even when I brought them up two times in the past! It doesn’t bother you! Why? I ask myself!

But guess what is happening? You are almost right!  “Happiness” is flying to Puerto Rico to visit a friend and his husband for a couple days when we could have spent the day and night together. And this trip has been made just now in a last two weeks.

What makes me sad is that “Happiness” remembers and knows when is our anniversary date (sort of anniversary) and still choose to fly on that weekend for pleasure because flying and collecting miles is important than spending the time with me. Sliding a card under the door is cute, but it is not enough when my heart is bleeding. Not at all!

I hope you have a safe flight and enjoy your trip in PR with your friends. The weak part in me is in for more humilation, and the stronger part is not in anymore. I will give up soon if things continue like this.  You better wake up and take care of things that matter to us and to me in the same degree and manner I take care of things for us and for you! And just a disclaimer, by no means I not love you and I don’t want to you to think I am shallow when I describing what I did for you and our happiness!


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