The New Monogamists

*************** Welcome to the blogpost ! *****************

Disclaimer:  This blog post may have some explicit sexual/physical anatomical terms ( whatever floats your boat) which may give you nausea while imaging the pleasure of written terms.  If its not you, and you will definitely puke, I suggest you skip just this one for now. Wait for the next PG-13 friendly post.

Generally speaking, I am not a regular reader for the OUT magazine, however I have other LGBT friendly feeds running in my feedly when we had to move away from my beloved Google Reader but never   However, I stumbled upon a post in my feed that led me to eventually.  The post was about being monogamist.

Do you have to wonder the irony?  A wholly LGBTQ focussed magazine publishing an article with mixed emotions on mongamist in gay culture.  Such an irony.

Most of the straight people anyway assume that all gay guys are whore in general and sleep around with every next guy they lay their eyes on, end up sucking their hanging junk and having unprotected bareback sex.  Yes and No.   Yes gay guys like guys.  Guys of every kind – bear, twinks, otter, scruffy.. and what not.  We do exactly what you think.  We have sex in all different positions that we can.  We do alot of oral stuff and things like that. Yes we use toys as well.  Now don’t be shy, you do it as well. Well may be not with a guy, but with a girl. But you do it as well.  So there is nothing gay about sex.  Its just sex.  Just SEX.

Ahem. Coming back to the story:  The story presents myraid of examples of legally committed gay couples (sorry girls) that have been together from anywhere 7 to 37 years and live in a variety of places (but mostly califronia) who are OK with being in an open relationships with certain agreed upon caveats.  The couples didn’t necessarily start as being in an open relationship, however after a few years of living together, exhausting all chemistry between them in a few years, open their “committed” relationship in order to spice it up.    There are several interesting points the article talks about. For starters, the rules or caveats are strangely passive and are agreed upon.  It can range from “No Alone Play” to anything like “No Fucking“; not to mention “When one of us is out of town” and several more like these.  In all humility, the article presents a positive cover to this sexual behavior and in a very succient and latent way promotes this.  For the most part, the writing of article is skewed towards believing or wants us to believe two observations – First, the mongamy as a practice is a common preference among younger age group of gays eventually changing into an open marriage while involving thirds and fourths in the marriage, paving the way for the second – open marriage somehow gives sexual bandwidth to a couple to survive the rest of the years once the couple passes the median age of 35 years in order to avoid somehow the inevitable infidelity between them.

I am amazed by both of the observations. Let’s look at them in a little more detail.

When we are young, all of us want to experiences. All kinds of experience –  Food, Travel, People, Clothes, Books, Politics, Education, Music, Sex, etc.   Since we are on the topic of sex within a relationship, the sex has to be meaningful. But haven’t we gone on more dates while being in twenties, than in our thirties?  Arent we more horny in our twenties than in our thirties and or later?  So why would we opt in a relationship for Monogamy?  It doesn’t settle coherently with the premise.  Why would a young person who wants to gain experiences settle for sexual monogamy in a relationship?  Does it make sense to you?  It doesn’t to me.

Second, after years of being a monogamous sometimes committed relationship you would want to explore outside.  The only motivation for this is that you can get bored with one individual after years of marriage.   After years of spending nights with this individual, you are somehow bored, you’re somehow now interested in sleeping with someone else, you’re really interested in bringing a change in your chemistry that you created for years.  Its hard to argue either way.   May be it is something that we all decide for ourselves, but at the place where I am in life, I cannot condone that opening up your committed relationship for a constant third is a healthy thing.  I however, can be open to bringing a third individual for fun once in a while and not a constant habit of doing this.

Oh, yeah and actual article is here.


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