It was almost ten weeks of seeing him and getting to know him. Slowly but surely, I had started to like him… inch by inch – sometimes over those home-cooked meals, sometimes while staring at him while he is still asleep, sometimes while getting ready and sometimes just while watching TV with him, slowly but surely, I had started to like him. I could try denying it, but my body, my mind and my emotions couldn’t deny this reality anymore.
Being a pragmatic person, I noticed I had started thinking about what happens next with respect to “us”. Honestly, I think it is fair to start asking that question after three months of hanging out with someone, but I still needed a little more prodding before I could act on my thoughts.
After reading a quotation from Coleman Barks interpretation of Rumi’s work, I gained some more clarity on what my actions should be and is below.
What transpired between next few seconds, is beyond my abilities of description, but I realized something – this urge in my chest was persistent and wasn’t going to go away unless I did something ( or so, I thought at that time) I tried a bear hug. This urge, wasn’t going to go away with a bear hug. Every time, he gave me a bear hug, it flared up. It was as if, someone was pouring gas on the fire in me, instead of water, even though the container said WATER. It wasn’t going away. It didn’t go away after a few minutes and even after a few days. I started to became restless by each passing second.
When you see the SUN outside, it seems very ordinary, very daily and very usual. But if you ask a flower, what sun means to it, I bet flower would say – ” What Sun? Sun – I don’t know how to tell you in words what SUN means to me. When he comes, that’s how I know when morning comes; when he shines in the middle of the day, that’s spring for me; and when he decides to go away for me, I feel bruised so much so, that I don’t look forward to knowing my nights” It sounds rhetorical. You’re correct. It is. But the point is, that’s how I feel when I’m around him. He walked the other day slowly to the other end of the room – as much as lost he looks, he looks adorable to me. As much crazy he is, I am more crazier !! And often, people ask me, why do you like him? That question is enough for me to sort of zone out into a dream world, where I go by own wish, but don’t come out of it, on my own.
Would I want that exhilarating craziness, those butterflies in my stomach, those smiles in my day, and that comfort in my night ? Do I want that for one day? Do I want that for two days and nights? Do I want it for more? I guess, the question is Should I.. Should I not – ASK him out?
Today, I want to leave you with one of my Facebook status(s) from several years ago for my dearest loved one
To special someone: Till the time I had your company, your presence, your time in my life, everything else seized to exist. Now, when I have EVERYTHING else BUT you around me, I don’t want to exist anymore.
I hope I am able to express my romance in such a way, that I am devastated for good and finally understand LOVE