Two weeks ago, I received your call and after talking to you for an hour, it was clear in my heart that my someone used their power to burn my dream(s) and harm my belief in love and belief in myself. And to my surprise, I am still alive and living.
After yesterday night hanging out with a friend, my mind asked if I am still guilty. The answer is a loud YES. Yes I am guilty.
Guilty of liking you at the very instant of seeing you at the Union Square on our first date, when you were in your grey polo with pink/cherry logo of Aeropostle on it, and your grey/light blue khakis.
Guilty of listening to The Hanging Tree song by Jennifer Lawrence and thinking about all the struggles we faced and most importantly thinking about you.
Guilty of seeing beyong your looks, into your soft heart and personality.
Guilty of watching my first off broadway show with you.
Guilty of opening my heart, my life, my house and my family with you
Guilty of waking up in the morning, and looking at your face
Guilty of waking up one wednesday morning, and seeing in your face that youre exhausted and suggesting you to not visit me during the week days, because I didn’t want you to be tired and stressed.
Guilty of getting up a couple minutes early than you would, and making breakfast/lunch ready for you whenever I could before you could head out
Guilty of trying to learn a new language and cuisine
Guilty of watching movies with you
Guilty of spending time with you shopping and then just chilling with you.
Guilty of walking for 40 minutes in the rain without an umbrella on Christmas Eve, towards your apartment to give a christmas present
Guilty of wishing you good night and good morning every day
Guilty of trying to suggest eating healthier options
Guilty of making Salsa and Guac, ready for you, for your evening snacks.
Guilty of talking through our problems
Guilty of understanding your problems as mine
Guilty of trying to take you out for dinner/restuarants, but never ended up actually do it, because I wouldn’t want you to feel bad since you wouldn’t have the change to pay for it.
Guilty of ignoring the fact that you just moved to the city and I wish I knew better at that time, not like a tourist, so much
Guilty of thinking about you whenever I would go out and see a couple holding hands and kissing each other
Guilty of sleeping next to you and sleeping with you
Guilty of almost starting to love you.